Feeling of the Week – Shame

Shame = Dysregulation + Self-Judgment

Shame often doesn’t start as shame. It starts as overwhelm.

A surge of emotion you didn’t know how to handle.

A reaction you wish you could rewind.

A moment where your nervous system took the wheel.

Then comes the second wave, the one that stings worse:

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just handle this?

That’s not just pain. That’s shame, and it thrives at the intersection of dysregulation and self-judgment.

When we’re dysregulated, our brain shifts into survival mode. We lose access to clarity, connection, and control. If we were taught that big feelings or messy moments are signs of failure, the moment our regulation slips, so does our self-worth. The shame spiral begins.

Here’s the truth: dysregulation is not your fault.

It’s your nervous system asking for support. Shame only grows when we ignore that signal and blame ourselves instead of listening.One of the most powerful ways to cope with shame is to put sunlight on it.

Say it out loud. Name it. Share it with someone safe. Shame feeds on silence and secrecy, but it shrinks in the presence of compassion. When you bring your shame into the light, gently, bravely you begin to disarm it.

What would it be like to meet your dysregulation with curiosity instead of criticism? What might change if you let a little sunlight in?