That Was Then, This Is Now: How to Disentangle Past Triggers from the Present

Every holiday season, something small can pull you completely off center.

A tone of voice. A familiar silence. The way someone looks at you across the table.

Before you can think, your chest tightens, your jaw sets, and you’re flooded with emotion you can’t quite name.

What just happened?

You’re not overreacting, you’re revisiting an old moment that still lives in your body.

The Body Remembers What the Mind Forgets

Our nervous systems are designed to protect us. When something painful or threatening happens, the brain stores not just the facts but the feelings of that moment, what you saw, heard, smelled, or sensed. Later, when something similar occurs, your body reacts as if it’s happening again.

That’s why you can feel like a grounded adult in one moment and a helpless kid in the next. It’s not regression; it’s recognition. Your nervous system is scanning for patterns, trying to keep you safe by anticipating what once hurt.

The Science of Triggers

When you’re triggered, your brain’s alarm system (the amygdala) takes over before your rational mind can step in. It floods your body with stress hormones, signaling: “This feels familiar—brace yourself.” The part of your brain responsible for logic, empathy, and impulse control goes temporarily offline.

No amount of self-talk can override that chemistry in the moment. The work isn’t to suppress the response; it’s to help your system remember: this moment is different.

The Emotional Echo

Every strong reaction carries an echo of something that came before. Think of it as your body whispering, “Hey, this used to be dangerous.” The goal isn’t to silence that whisper...it’s to listen, soothe, and then reorient to the present.

Here are a few gentle ways to separate the then from the now:

Ask Your Body How Old It Feels: If the emotion feels younger than you are, you’re likely reacting from a memory, not the moment.

Check the Facts: Look around. Where are your feet? Who’s actually here? What’s truly happening right now?

Name the Truth: Silently repeat, “This is now.” Labeling the moment reactivates your prefrontal cortex and invites choice back into the room.

The Cost of Staying Stuck in the Past

When you react from old pain, you lose access to the calm clarity that allows connection. You might over-explain, overreact, or shut down, all ways your body tries to prevent a repeat of old hurt. But that same instinct can keep you disconnected from the safety and love available in the present.

Emotional endurance asks us to build awareness wide enough to hold both realities: compassion for what was and agency in what is. You can honor your younger self without letting them take the lead.

Bringing Yourself Back to Now

Regulation in triggered moments isn’t about forcing calm, it’s about reintroducing safety.

Here’s a simple sensory sequence you can use to re-anchor:

See: Name five things around you that confirm where you are right now.

Touch: Feel something solid; your chair, your cup, the ground beneath you.

Hear: Notice the smallest sound in the room.

Breathe: Inhale through your nose for four, hold for two, exhale through your mouth for six.

Speak: Say quietly, “That was then. This is now.”

Each time you practice this, you strengthen the connection between awareness and safety. Over time, your body learns that intensity doesn’t always equal danger.

The Power of Re-Anchoring

This practice isn’t about perfection. You’ll still get hooked sometimes, still feel that rush of heat or heaviness. But the more often you bring yourself back to the present, the faster you recover. You start to notice that you can stay steady even when someone else isn’t.

That’s regulation in real life, not the absence of triggers, but the ability to recognize them without losing yourself.

So when old patterns rise this holiday season, take a breath, feel your feet, and remind your nervous system:

That was then. This is now. I’m here, and I’m safe enough to stay.